Back To School.

I am heading back to school. I am a bit older than I was the first time and have a larger sense of responsibility. I'll be working full time and then going to class at night. I'm intrigued by how my life has changed. When I first went to school it was for acting and acting alone. I wanted nothing else, really. To me, that was a waste of time; the notion of needing something to fall back on was an insult and not a part of my fate. At seventeen, I knew what my fate was.

I would watch Oprah and understand everything that every celebrity guest ever talked about. I too was longing for privacy, because photographers wouldn't respect that I had a personal life. I had already worked out that I would break into the business at twenty three, as a female comedienne, and then at around thirty five, after numerous blockbusters, I would show my dramatic sensibility. That would get me the gold. I would thank my director, my agent, and of course my mom and dad for their never giving up on me.

Ten years later, I'm returning to college and am an undecided major. An undecided major, who would have thought? I always knew what I wanted, I couldn't understand people who meandered through life not knowing where their passions lie. Now I find myself drudging along some days and realizing that my passions come and go. Sometimes the flame dissipates for more than just a few days.

As I ponder what courses to take, I'm seeing things through a different filter. Where can I support myself the most? Someone suggested I go into computers, and for a split second I weighed that option, until I had an image of me sitting in a computer lab listening to my professor talk about codes and bytes and then my eye lids got extremely heavy and I felt like I needed to lie down.

Tonight I was actually looking at courses for engineering. I ignored physics so much in high school, I wonder if my mind could even go into scientific realms. I think it's that aspect that excites me the most about beginning my studies again, finding out if there is more to me than I ever gave myself credit for. I always put off going back to school because I was afraid of not having time to pursue my acting endeavors. I'm still afraid of that. But all fears aside, here I go. I am about to write my first check for tuition and I would like to thank my mother and my father, for their unending support. Oh yeah, I still wish that the paparazzi would respect my wishes and not take pictures of my children.